My Note: I read this on the Quilt Art list this morning and thought I would die laughing. With June Underwood’s kind permission I am sharing it with all of my readers. Do yourself a favor and take a look at June’s work as well – wonderful!
Let’s see: why do I suddenly want to curl up in my closet — let me
count the ways:
1. I should keep a journal, an orderly journal, one which starts at the
first page of the handmade book (that I made, of course) and finishes at
the last page. Each page should have text and at least one drawing and
perhaps some photos and fabric as memorabilia.
2. I should blog every day, incorporating both text and photos,
inspirational sayings, links to other great blogs, and links to Amazon
for books I think others should read. I should also read books.
3. I should list my hopes, aspirations, and goals for the year, break
them down into daily, weekly, monthly segments, make up an excel sheet,
and write every day (in my computer, not in my journal) what I’ve
accomplished in these areas.
4. I definitely should do strengthening exercises so I can lift my
carry-ons into the overhead compartments, should I ever want to carry on
luggage again. Or use the airlines, for that matter.
5. I should walk at least 4 times a week, alternating days with swimming
or biking through Portland’s streets in order to sharpen my defensive
skills against open doors and crazed drivers and to keep my hair
straw-dry and my feet mud-wet.
6. I should vacuum the studio once a week. I should vacuum the kitchen
twice a day. I should be sure to get the dust mites up before they get
7. I should eat a good breakfast with protein and blueberries. I should
have only 1/2 cup of coffee if I think I can’t live without it, which I
8. I should eat a good lunch with whole grains and citrus. No coffee. 16
oz of water.
9. I should eat a very very light dinner with no wine, no dessert, and
lots of fish. No coffee. 32 oz of water.
10. I should go to the studio every day, even if it’s only to vacuum.
11. I should blog on two blogs, one personal and one artsy. Both should
contain photos of my recent trips (walking around the neighborhood
counts) and my recent art (drawings in the dust mites is OK).
12. I should be on Facebook at least 5 times a day, posting about my art
as well as my vacuuming.
13. I should be on Google Plus at least twice a day discussing the
nature of post-modernism and whether Titian used holographic devices and
allowing Google to send these posts to all the email folks in my gmail
accounts (this in addition to my Google Plus Circle friends).
14. I should grow my own vegetables, particularly as I am fortunate
enough to live in a climate where year-round gardening is almost
possible, if one has greenhouses and cold frames and doesn’t mind hoeing
when it’s 35 degrees and raining.
15. I should prune my own fruit trees, when I’m not painting the parlor
and/or fixing the roof.
16. I should learn all the options on Facebook and set them according to
a complex set of rules about who should and who should not read about
the inability of my toilet to flush.
17. I should buy an iPhone so I can learn how to use cell phones in the
most sophisticated manner and thus be ready to join in conversations
about how wonderful the iPhone is.
18. I should buy an iPad so I can learn how it doesn’t like PCs, which
then would lead me to buying a MAC and starting all over with all my
documents, photos and email addresses, transferring these via the
unusable cable from PC to MAC as well as buying programs that I already
have for the PC that don’t transfer on the unusable cable to the MAC.
Then I can write blogs and post to FB and Google Plus about how
wonderful the iPad is.
19. I should apply for grants, for residencies, for group exhibits, for
solo exhibits, and to be allowed to wrap the Sellwood Bridge in silk so
it doesn’t fall down before the new one is built.
20. I should learn musical composition, video recording and editing,
woodworking, encaustics, and the chemical makeup of dyes in order that I
can enhance my art. I should also buy a full set of drawers for beads
and feathers and bling-bling, which I can then buy and put away in
color-coded, size-delimited containers, and vacuum every day. Then I can
learn all about watercolor — brands as well as pigments — and oils
paints, which I should use.
21. I should subscribe to all the appropriate professional journals, on
and off the computer, and make up a marketing plan, having in place a
portfolio (fully up to date, and updated every day to account for what I
did the day before), a resume (see last parenthesis), and an artist’s
statement for each piece of art I do (see parenthesis before the last
parenthesis). The marketing plan should be separate from goals,
aspirations, and hopes, because it’s marketing, which must take into
account customers, fads, colors of the year, and venues that would
actually sell any art I made. These should be placed on an excel sheet
so the marketable elements can be checked off; this will save Medicare a
lot of money.
22. Oh, and I should make some art.
But before any of that, I think I’ll go lie down with a wet washrag on
Sorry. I couldn’t resist. I should be more humble, more laconic, and